Five reet grand places to watch t’Tour de Yorkshire

Posted by Carey Davies on 03/07/2014
Excited Yorkshire residents

Put on a brew and get ready wi’ the pie and peas – the Tour de France is coming to god’s own county this weekend. Abaht bloody time too.

Yorkshire ‘ant never seen owt like this. That lot from T’tour de France are comin’ over on t’ferry with their funny-shaped bread, fancy wine and skin-tight outfits to ride around in t’hills fer a bit. It all seems like a lot of fuss to me just to win a yellow jumper. Ah don’t know, it in’t like it was in my day I tell thee.

Anyway, it’ll probably do them some good to see some real hills, proper ones wi’ peat and moors and lonely windswept ‘ouses like in that book Wutherin’ights, not all that fancy-pants nonsense wi’ the ski lifts and southern jessies prancin’ around in sunglasses like tha gets in t’Alps.

And no doubt there’ll be all sorts o’ dee-dars and offcumden folk coming from miles around to stand by t’side of t’road fer hours in t’rain just to gawp at some blokes ridin’ past on bikes fer 10 seconds. Which’ll be a reet pain in the arse frankly. Ah well, each to their own as they say, I won’t myther as long as they’re not from Lancashire.

Anyway, if you’re daft enough to want to come ‘ere at t’weekend, tha might as well get a good view and a walk in while tha’s at it. Here’s some ideas for you dozy twonks who can’t think of ‘em yerself.

If you do decide to go to any of ‘em, tha better leave pronto – otherwise the traffic’ll be a nightmare.

1. Muker, Swaledale

All Yorkshire folk know that if there is such a thing as ‘eaven, it looks a lot like t’Yorkshire Dales. Rivers the colour of a pint o’ golden bitter, lovely moors, ton o’ sheep and some bloody great hills. Swaledale is an especially crackin’ place. There’s a bit of road called Buttertubs Pass above it where those blokes on bikes’ll have to climb up moss for a long way. By the end of it they’ll be so ‘ungry they could eat a scabby donkey ‘tween two bread vans.

The King of the Mountains Festival is appnin’ in Muker. Champerton.

Walking route: Muker and Upper Swaledale from Keld

2. Addingham, Lower Wharfedale

Tha waits all tha life to see the Tour de France and then look what ‘appens! Folks in Addingham are in the unlikely position of ‘avin the Tour come through their village not once, but twice – an no doubt some of ‘em’ll still find a way to complain. Ah well, that’s just what us Tykes are like. Some bright spark has planned a load o’ festivities over t’weekend so people’ll be all jolly and that. Ah don’t know, what’s wrong wi’ a brass band?

Walking route: Beamsley Beacon, Hazlewood and Storiths

3. Cray, Upper Wharfedale

Back in my day the car used to conk out goin’ up Kidstones Pass, so ah dread ‘think what it’ll be like for the blokes on bikes. Some wag’s calling it the Côte de Cray. But it’s also got some bloody brilliant views and some of Yorkshire’s finest hills and moors roundabouts. Tha can keep tha’s Alps and tha’s Pyrenees, it dunt get much better than this.

Walking route: Buckden Pike

4. Holme Moss, Kirklees

Watch this video of that Harry Gration and Amy Garcia from t’telly trying to cycle up Holme Moss. It shows them grittin’ their teeth, lookin’ like they’re abaht to be sick, inching slowly up some bleak, windswept moor in godawful weather. I don’t know what they’re complainin’ abaht, in my day that were a good family ‘oliday! Le Col de Moss is the toughest categorised climb in t’stage, so tha can imagine it’s not for anyone who’s a bit nesh.

Walking route: Upper Holme Valley and Ramsden Clough

5. Haworth, West Yorkshire

Tha probably knows Haworth as the home of the Brontës, the reet talented sisters who wrote champion books, died young and inspired that song my missus likes. It’ll be ‘eavin wi’ people but they’ll be big screens and stuff to keep the bairns ‘appy.  Afterwards tha can escape the crowds for a wander on t’moors.

Walking route: Haworth Moor and Top Withins Walk

Carey Davies is the BMC’s hill walking officer and a proud Yorkshireman. He’ll be watching the Tour in his hometown of Otley this weekend, mythering about the crowds.



« Back

Post a comment Print this article

This article has been read 569 times

TAGS

Click on the tags to explore more

RELATED ARTICLES

Active Outdoors: subsidised skills courses
1
Active Outdoors: subsidised skills courses

It is time to Get Active Outdoors. If you want to start hill walking, rock climbing, scrambling or learn winter skills, then check out the subsidised BMC Active Outdoors courses. Suitable for all abilities and levels of experience there is something for everyone.
Read more »

The Real3Peaks Challenge: 7 years old
2
The Real3Peaks Challenge: 7 years old

The Real3Peaks Challenge, an event that has removed 2.3 tonnes of litter from popular peaks after the busy summer period, is turning seven years old on Saturday 12 October and is going nationwide too! This year, alongside the 'Big 3' peaks, events will also be held at Lochnagar, Cairngorm/Ben Macdui, Bennachie, Ben Lomond, the Isle of Skye, Roseberry Topping, the Roaches, Old Man of Coniston and Pen y Fan. Find out how to join us and help.
Read more »

5 of the best wild swim walks in North Snowdonia
8
5 of the best wild swim walks in North Snowdonia

The mountains of North Snowdonia overflow with crystal clear rivers and lakes, making it an ideal destination for wild swimming. Here are some of the best places to strip off your human cares and discover whether there really are mental and physical health benefits to be found in ice-cold llyns.
Read more »

Post a Comment

Posting as Anonymous Community Standards
3000 characters remaining
Submit
Your comment has been posted below, click here to view it
Comments are currently on | Turn off comments
3
Anonymous User
03/07/2014
Ee wot a bloody gud advert fo't them at dunt know! No GPS's and that malarkey here tha knows. we're tuff up here owd cock --can sniff out a pint and a packet o' chips from a mile away! Dunt thee worry abaht finding nosh- there's plenty o' grub int pubs ere. Tha's welcome--seeing as tha'll be spending thi brass here and tha;s also welcome to try ar pies and Yorkshire puds l! Si thi owd cock!! P.S. leave thi missis at 'ome,ar lasses ere ar reght guduns and they'll keep up wi thi when tha downin't pints an all!!!!
Anonymous User
04/07/2014
And you can support the only Englishman in the race Simon Yates-whose from Bury Lancashire!
Anonymous User
04/07/2014
What a wonderful piece by Carey Davies. As a proud Yorkshire lass I couldn't agree more. Just a shame that the whole world is soon going to know how great Swaledale, Wensledale etc are. The place was buzzing on Wednesday and everyone seemed genuinely pleased to be involved.

RELATED ARTICLES

Active Outdoors: subsidised skills courses
1

It is time to Get Active Outdoors. If you want to start hill walking, rock climbing, scrambling or learn winter skills, then check out the subsidised BMC Active Outdoors courses. Suitable for all abilities and levels of experience there is something for everyone.
Read more »

The Real3Peaks Challenge: 7 years old
2

The Real3Peaks Challenge, an event that has removed 2.3 tonnes of litter from popular peaks after the busy summer period, is turning seven years old on Saturday 12 October and is going nationwide too! This year, alongside the 'Big 3' peaks, events will also be held at Lochnagar, Cairngorm/Ben Macdui, Bennachie, Ben Lomond, the Isle of Skye, Roseberry Topping, the Roaches, Old Man of Coniston and Pen y Fan. Find out how to join us and help.
Read more »

5 of the best wild swim walks in North Snowdonia
8

The mountains of North Snowdonia overflow with crystal clear rivers and lakes, making it an ideal destination for wild swimming. Here are some of the best places to strip off your human cares and discover whether there really are mental and physical health benefits to be found in ice-cold llyns.
Read more »

BMC MEMBERSHIP
Join 82,000 BMC members and support British climbing, walking and mountaineering. Membership only £16.97.
Read more »
BMC SHOP
Great range of guidebooks, DVDs, books, calendars and maps.
All with discounts for members.
Read more »
TRAVEL INSURANCE
Get covered with BMC Insurance. Our five policies take you from the beach to Everest.
Read more »